When Love Leaves
Yesterday my love left. Not forever, don't worry, but we've returned to our everyday long-distance lives.
Whenever he first goes, I always find myself running the days we had together back through my fingers like warm, beach sand,
Wishing he could be here to make eggs for breakfast every day, or at least every weekend.
Wishing we could sit on the couch and watch movies when we're sick.
Wishing we could be each other's forever wedding dates.
Wishing we were laughing together in the car, on our way to the grocery store.
When love leaves, I find myself listening to this poem by two poets I enjoy and running the words through my fingers like warm, beach sand.
I particularly love these two last lines of the second to last stanza:
"Maybe Love is there for every firework. Every birthday party. Every hospital visit. Maybe Love stays. Maybe Love can’t. Maybe Love shouldn’t."
I know to some it may seem crazy that we've chosen this long engagement far apart from each other. Sometimes it seems crazy to me too. When it does, I'll run that last phrase back through my fingers.
"Maybe Love shouldn't."
In the same breath that I'll acknowledge that it's not without it's difficulties, I will tell you that we are so blessed to have this "extra" year apart, so that I can gain experience in my field and Nik can finish his masters. I don't want to spend this whole year pining for the future. This year is a gift in so many ways.
Nik gets to spend this year living with his brother and one of their best, life-long friends. He gets to study what he loves in a new and challenging environment.
I have one last year to spend near to my university friends, be in their weddings, hear about their first jobs. I have time for my hobbies, old and new. I've made new friends. I absolutely love my work and all the people I have met there.
We are always growing and stretching and changing. This year God has given us the gift of growing independently, instead of together. He knows exactly what he's doing. In this time I'm always having to make a choice and blessedly the Lord has made it easy to choose joy.
Joy in Him, knowing that he holds my days in his sovereign hands.
Joy in the life he has given me as opportunities unfold in my life here.
Joy in the gift he has given me in Nik: a love who has asked me to one day be with him for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit, for the rest of our lives.
